The Last Gasp
Posted on Sunday, January 31, 2010 at 1:01 pmCategory: Village Politics
The good burghers of Le Langon awoke this morning, yawned, scratched their bums, and opened the shutters to a beautiful, crisp, frosty morning.
Despite the brilliant sunshine which promises to bring a peach of a Sunday, as they descended the stairs to the standard French Sunday breakfast of chicory “coffee,” Gitanes cigarettes, jellied pig trotters, snail jam and a pint of vin très ordinaire, they could not shake off a vague sense of lassitude and tiredness in the limbs.
Around about the second bowl of coffee, they remembered: there’s yet another bloody election today.
Earlier this week, rumours circulated that a third candidate was planning to throw his hat into the ring. A Mr Parquard was said to be standing in the interest of the “My Mum Used to Run the School Canteen” Party. Having already been up to fulfil my tryst with the urns, I can, however, report with some certainty that the race is a two horse one between:
- Mme. Martine Guillon (Sensible Party)
- Mr. Louis Bodin (Silly Party)
In some ways it is a bit of shame that Mr Parquard didn’t stand. The village psephologists (and, yes, I did have to look that up), soothsayers and wise women reckoned that he could easily have split the Silly vote without doing too much damage to the body of support behind the Sensible candidate.
I also took the trouble to examine entrails of a chicken myself, which gave a 100% positive prediction for “Politics: It’s a Funny Old Game” which wasn’t entirely helpful.
Both candidates have been actively trying to garner support this week. Sensible Party activists (My Dear Wife, her mate Valerie and other assorted Ladies) were out pounding the streets and stuffing letterboxes with insulting messages, threats and, just occasionally, leaflets extolling the virtues of Mme Guillon (able to walk and talk simultaneously, seldom drunk before ten in the morning and generally all-round Good Egg).
Mr Bodin cut a more lonely figure as he doesn’t appear to have a Silly Party machine working for him as such, but he was off around the village offering people a go on his new bike if they would promise to vote for him.
Not really.
Our lot aren’t that cheap.
January 31st, 2010 15:46
Well, seldom drunk before ten woudn’t get many votes round here…lack of moral fibre, that’s what they’d call that.
Could do better.
Must try harder.
I expect she’ll get in, though.
January 31st, 2010 22:56
Intriguing brekky, that…
Jolly good luck to The Sensibles for whom your wife has so selflessly pounded.
February 1st, 2010 08:21
Alas! The Silly Party candidate wonby about 16 votes. The Sensible lady was gracious in defeat and then most of the councillors went back to her place for drinks and nibbles.
Never mind.
February 1st, 2010 19:22
Oh, DASH IT ! (restrainedly).
February 2nd, 2010 12:55
I think what bothers the other councillors is that they don’t believe the new bug will be up for joining in with the quite considerable amount of work that has to be done. The extent to which France is being administered by unpaid volunteers is really only now becoming clear to me.
February 3rd, 2010 02:16
Jon, the untiring efforts of the spouse/partner of a candidate is what really matters. Today my lady love became female champion of the regional inter-town Petanque Tournoi. As she rose to collect her prize, I was heard to exclaim -
“And I’m the owner!”
February 3rd, 2010 02:44
The owner? CI, you just lost my vote.
Jon: the winning candidate is a man, therefore malleable. So not a bad result, really. And he clearly has a smashing new bike.
February 3rd, 2010 09:55
Naughty, naughty CI. But you are right in certaion respects: I am very happy to play Denis to her Maggie, topping up her G&T as required, washing her gum shield between bouts and generally bumbling around in the background puuting my foot in it.
February 3rd, 2010 09:57
Expat – The bike is a good one, it must be admitted. And he is doing his bit to ensure that the commune meets it’s emissions targets.
February 3rd, 2010 12:14
Hello Expat! I think a malleable man may find difficulty in standing for election.