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The Vendée Blog


Posted on Thursday, January 31, 2013 at 10:01 am
Category: Bonnie the Wonder Dog, My Drivel

Okaaayy. So, my attempts to stave off whatever it was that laid low the wife & offspring last week by taking aspirin & oranges in quantity for the past four days have failed and I am now sofa bound with a temperature that suggests a fault with the thermometer.

The distaff side has declared me hors combat until Monday.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m never ill. I did have a quick look at “Les Misérables” which has come fascinate me over the past 24 hours following a critic losing control during a radio interview where he was supposed to be reviewing the new film and resorting to some fairly unprofessional language, but I gave up after three pages.

Sentences should not be that long.

Besides, I’ve not finished “Phinaes Finn” and I’ve got only about 50 pages left of that, just as soon as the room stops going round and I can blunder upstairs to get it.

My only companion for the moment is the Vendéen Stink Hound. I keep suggesting to her that she go outside and fetch me a log or two in her mighty jaws. She prefers the rug. Lassie would do it differently.

8 Responses to “Horizontal”

  1. Gorilla Bananas
    January 31st, 2013 12:14

    You should have carried on reading Les Misérables – it might have put you to sleep. Exercising the brain isn’t helpful when you have a temperature, so maybe daytime TV will help. Do you get Jerry Springer in France?

  2. Gorilla Bananas
    January 31st, 2013 12:16

    Damn! Apologies for the italics orgy!

  3. dolores doolittle
    January 31st, 2013 17:38

    Have you tried a Bacon Fat Poultice, Jon?
    No, I wouldn’t either, but should you ever be afflicted with a sebaceous boil, they apparently work Wonders.

    What you do need, according to googlepoultice, is the Onion variety – for flus & chest congestions of many kinds.
    And a fluffy dog to keep you warm.

    Be Brave!

  4. Perpetua
    January 31st, 2013 19:44

    Poor Jon. Flu’s no fun, so make sure you stay horizontal until you’re told you can get up.

  5. Expat
    January 31st, 2013 23:38

    Hot toddies, lots of hot toddies. They won’t cure what ails you, but after a few you’ll stop caring.

  6. evan
    February 1st, 2013 00:09

    Get well soon Jon!

    The oranges and aspirin work best when taken orally of course; if you get it wrong then the result is often crossed eyes more than high temperature though.


  7. JW10
    February 1st, 2013 03:26

    To cool your temperature, stick your head in the fridge, Jon. You never know, you might find a rogue can of beer that has been hiding on the salad shelf since the New Year.

    I am glad that you didn’t say your flu was infectious. This means it is safe to visit the Vendee blog and…a-a-a-ACHOOO. Oh no.

  8. Jon
    February 1st, 2013 10:20

    Thank you all for your kind comments: I feel that, compared to the wife & kids, I am getting off lightly – they were really ill.

    GB – we don’t have Mr Springer in France, and I’m searching the daytime schedules without much success for a substitute.

    DD – I wonder if that would work for sofa-sores?

    Perpetua – I can still move around a bit: I have to – the only source of heating we have is wood and that’s stacked outside. But I am moving slowly.

    Expat / JW – I’ve avoided alcohol for the moment as I’m a bit off food for the mo, and that way lies disaster. Curiously, though, I did find two bottles of beer in the salad drawer and I am saving these for emergencies.

    Ev – current medical advice is that the orange should at least be split into segments before administration.


Jon Doust

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